redc1c4 (redc1c4) wrote,

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full bird potty dance

this was previously posted on Usenet many moons ago:

"This is no shit":

it was one of the early days of that magnificent adventure now recorded in the annals of history as "Golden Spike 01", and yours truly was off to the makings of yet another fine army day.

leaving our palatial barracks i evidently was targeted by persons  unknown with a wrinkle grenade.....and got  caught in a dust barrage trying to avoid the full effects of said insidious device. 

surviving the onslaught, i made my way to DISCOM's alleged mess hall, where i was part of yet another Bio-War experiment against helpless soldiers.

using my grab for an MRE as cover, i barely escaped with my life.

pondering my options at such an early hour on Club Bob, ("The antidote to reenlistment" TM,) it was sadly apparent that my only real option was to saddle up in my UAV and do a mounted recon/ road clearing movement to my duty AO... so off in to the sunrise i went.

having made the trip with negative contact, i maneuvered my vehicle up under cover for the day, and dismounted.

now we had this really "nice" old Sargent pulling night duty, mostly to avoid having him have to deal with people or problems........

i walk up to the building and standing out front is our resident SPOT, an e-4 idiot child who's greatest accomplishment of AT was constructing name plates for people's desks out of 100mph tape and WORD documents, smoking a cigarette without a care in the world.

inside was SGT Afewbricksshort, and a ACTIVE full bird........
(right here all my ECM went off, but obviously just a skosh late %-)

said Col was in the midst of a full fledged "potty dance", bouncing up and down the empty building ranting and raving about a mission, a driver, a fast approaching SP time, and a general......(oh joy)

first words addressed to me were "Are you my driver?" Always bright, witty and cheerful at such an early hour, my reply was along the line of:  "I haven't been briefed on any mission sir, but i'm sure we can figure
out who is...." (yup, i can sling it starting REAL early)

we went to the mission board, and the initial problem was glaringly apparent. we had it for a 0700 departure, and his nibs wanted to be moving NLT 0630.

feeling suicidal, i allowed as how that if no one assigned showed up in time, i would be happy to drive him...... sure enough, no one came, and off we went, leaving dumb and dumber to relate their version of the
events to the command group as they came in.........

meanwhile i'm sailing down 101 to Paso Robles with said bird, exchanging pleasantries and tid bits of military background. having mentioned that i was Cav, we discussed the Squadron for a bit, with him singing their praises, and me wondering what unit he was talking about.... %-)

he then proceeded to call ahead to the CSM that we were indeed en route, on time and would be ready for his nibs, rather than making him wait, as they had been afraid of.
(evidently this is a very *bad* thing for active types)

(at this point i told the Col that he had witnessed on of the great battles in history, my sense of duty vs. my survival instinct in avoiding Col's, generals, and such.... he seemed amused)

we get to Paso, clean up the van as best we can, (for some reason we had plenty of time) and wait................. then we wait some more. finally, i move the van over to the rooms, load the baggage and we're off to the airport.

there everyone dismounts, i load the baggage into the CSM's pov, and stand around with a thumb up while they brief the days festivities. (i can't leave until the crash hawks get off the ground,in case their
hamsters are tired and they have to move by ground after all)

briefing is finally over, out comes the whole parade, and said General says, "Where's that Specialist that drove us?"  wondering what PFC pay for AT was going to be, i said "Here, Sir", saluting.  

he simply shook my hand, placing a coin in it, and said, "Let's go!"

out to the birds the went, and off to Hungry Lizard they were in a few, leaving our hero standing there slightly stunned, and in possession of a coin from the Commander, US Fifth Army.

gathering my wits, i stopped in paso for a taste of real food, and proceeded to RTB........ where the story of the morning had evidently been subject to inflation and no little consternation.

i pulled in, and Top was out front maintaining his nicotine level. he thanked me for taking the fall, and asked how it went.... (preparing for damage control, no doubt)
finally awake enough for full smart ass mode i said, "Okay i guess..." and flipped him the coin....... %-)

who NEVER wants to meet another 3 star

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